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IT isn't EASY!

posted Oct 8, 2011, 6:10 PM by Fay Watson   [ updated Oct 8, 2011, 6:19 PM ]
Empathy...walking that mile in another man's shoes.  We really can't do precisely that nor would I want to.  Watching a loved one struggle to do simple tasks just breaks my heart.  In fact, there are times when I want to scream in frustration because I can see how much it costs him to do certain things.  AND in no way can I compare these struggles with those of 2 months ago!  But the mental and emotional energy that goes into keeping the momentum going is tremendous.  I know he will keep trying, I know how tenacious he is.  We have known each other for almost exactly 29 years!  

Lately, David has been asking me about the ICU and the rest of his hospital stay.  He can remember some things, but not others.  I am trying to piece together things through the texts that I sent to people, the updates that I sent out that way provides a trail of memories.  The worst part of this is that I really don't want to remember those days.  I want to keep moving towards the future and making progress.  July 15-18, 2011 is a blur of tiredness, stress and worry to me!  Days that went on and on.  When hanging on to small signs of improvement was all I could do.  The support and prayers we received from our friends and loved ones were such a comfort!  

I remember nights of sleeping on a hospital chair that pulled out into a kind of narrow bed, that wasn't exactly comfortable and of course all the waking up because of nurses and doctors checking on him... yikes!  Emily and boys appearing and how much I looked forward to seeing them...trying to pretend that there was some normalcy left in the world.  Funny how memories work...if we can't remember things and ask others to tell us....their memories sort of become our memories.  Even when I retell certain parts of the story I know that even a slight change made by me will forever change the story in my mind as well.  So, it turns out that it is a tremendous responsibility- to be in charge of someone else's memories even for a brief period of time.

I will keep trying to piece everything together.  I will strive to stay true to the memories and not allow them to stray from the truth.  Paper and pen have become an important tool for us to communicate with one another... and in a way writing or capturing things electronically has become a very important memory tool for David.  As much as I thought in the early ICU days that we were not going to have a future....TIME is now on our side!  Together, David and I can keep building memories...time is on our side...please spend time with us and BE A PART of those memories!  Don't let time get in your way!